Hola! 

I am feeling much better today!

I checked my blood ketones yesterday and they were extremely low. Since I do not seem to be eating to many carbs, or too much protein I think I may need to manage stress better. My husband is convinced that we both should probably also be eating a bit more.

It seems like so many people are so obsessed with calories, and I find it frustrating. I feel like it perpetuates this idea that if you eat a starvation diet  you will get thin- which is not necessarily the case, and it can be more harmful than beneficial. I try not to get annoyed, but it makes me angry that this calorie theory has really made such a mess of my health, and I am probably not the only person experiencing this.

I spent 10 minutes meditating this morning to attempt to decompress a little and asked online for some advice on how to reduce stress. One person suggested yoga, andI really think I would like to try that. I need to find a studio with childcare, but I am sure that is doable.

Take care for now,

♥Erica


Food Journal
------------------------


Yesterday

breakfast 
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.

Lunch- 1c broccoli cooked in butter and herbs, one pickle, 1oz robusto cheese

Snack- Keto lemonade (2-4 drops liquid stevia, apple cider vinegar, lemon wedge squeezed in) 

Snack- beef bone broth

Snack- 2 more slices of bacon after practice ♥ 

Calories: 994 Carbs: 16 Fat: 79 Protein: 37

Water- about 10 large glasses. 

Under on protein again

Yikes! I missed my post yesterday!

My kids were out of the house for a few hours and I really wanted to take advantage of the peace and quiet and write then without distraction. Unfortunately the time they were gone flew by, as did the rest of the day. I feel like I have been annoyed lately, and I would really prefer to focus on the things I am happy about rather than the things that annoy me. Lately I find myself in the shower bitching in my head about one thing or another. Yesterday it was calories. I think calories are stupid. I spent a while ranting in my brain about it. I planned to continue the rant here, but did not get around to it.

Today it was last nights roller derby practice.

Suddenly, while scrubbing my knees, I realized that bitching- about anything- is a really shitty way to start the day. When negativity is the first thing that pops into my head, it seems that is likely to continue as the day progresses. I changed my focus to  the many things I am happy about and thankful for in my life (my amazing husband, kids, having an awesome house and everything we need, loving my job, etc.) and I hope to do this more often when I a catch myself falling in to a negative mindset.

So... for today I would really like to... STAY POSITIVE!


Food Journal For Yesterday
----------------------------------

breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.

Lunch
Broccoli cooked in a little grassfed butter
one egg scrambled

Snacked on 4 slices of large pepperoni in the afternoon.

Bone Broth Before Practice

Dinner/late snack after practice... 2 slices raw cheese a little carne asada (bought a total of .3 lbs and used less than 1/3 of container... so whatever that is) and 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.

Sunday Food Entry

Breakfast: 2 pc Bacon, 3 eggs scrambled in bacon grease. One glass green juice
2 Cups coffee with cream, butter and coconut oil
Lunch: 28 oz green juice and no-tortilla enchilada
Snack: Carne Asada
Dinner, had guests: Beef Strips stir fried in butter with spices and broccoli, served with salad.
1 more cup of coffee with cream, butter and coconut oil.

I always use omega-3 eggs, grassfed beef and grassfed cheese and butter. Most food is organic.

Food and Exercise Journal entries

I had these written down, but did not get a chance to transpose until now...

••Saturday••

Breakfast: 2pc Whole foods black Forrest bacon, 3 eggs scrambled in bacon grease, Topped with green chili and organic grass-fed cheddar cheese

Snack/part of breakfast: Drank 2 cups of coffee, both with creamer,1tbsp coconut oil and 1/2 tbsp butter ... (spread out over about 3 hours until lunch)

Lunch: 28 oz green juice and slices of cheese

Snack: BIG plate of no-tortilla enchiladas Shredded chicken with grass fed cheddar cheese on top and green chili- also super easy to make.

It is 9pm and I am not hungry at all. I will not be eating more tonight.

♦exercise- very low intensity roller derby practice.

♥Ketone level: moderate

••Friday••

 Breakfast:
2 1/2 boiled omega-3 eggs, glass of green veggie juice (made from a very wide variety of veggies)

Snack/part of breakfast: Drank 2 cups of coffee with creamer and butter... (spread out over about 3 hours until lunch)

Friday Lunch: 2 eggs scrambled in butter sprinkled with organic cheese and a spring mix salad (about 2 cups topped with annies organic goddess dressing and organic cheese)

Friday Snack: (same as lunch)

Additional food: Drank an additional 28 oz of green juice.

Friday Dinner: 80/20 %  Grass fed hamburger... large-ish cooked rare, no bun, pickles, wrapped in romaine lettuce (not used to eating meat this way :/ )  salad  (about 2 cups topped with annies organic goddess dressing and organic cheese)

♦exercise- Rock Climbing with Adam and Autumn

••Thursday••

Thursday Lunch:
Lunch 3 scrambled eggs cooked in bacon grease with cheese sprinkled on it and a salad (spring mix annies organic goddess dressing, cheese)

Thursday dinner:
2 pc Whole Foods Black Forrest Bacon (only one carb for both slices! I was shocked)


♦exercise- 1 hour speed skating class at roller skate city

Food Journal Entries

Dinner last night: 4oz steak and big green salad Breakfast: Eggs and green juice Lunch: Chicken and salad Snack: Green juice and protien powder I calculated my calories from yesteday and it came out to less than 1600 calories. According to the book I am reading, that is bad news. I am going to work on increasing my caloric intake to at least 2000 calories a day of meat and fresh fruit and veg.

Weekend Entries, and Today's Workout

I didn't keep this up well over the weekend so lets see what I can remember. 

•Friday• night we went to whole foods to buy our groceries and I ate a salad and some chicken tikka masala from their hot and cold salad bar. It was Valentines day and my sweet husband bought me some candy. I ate three of the sees chocolate he brought me over the span of the day. In the evening Adam and I worked out for about 40 min, doing a variety of things, sit ups, push ups, trying to pull myself up on the pull up bar and throwing the medicine ball around. 

•Saturday• I had green juice for breakfast with 2 1/2 hard boiled omega 3 eggs. I went to roller derby practice for three hours, which is great exercise and left me exhausted. I had another bottle of green juice that I drank during my practice, and had two small tortilla sized chicken wraps/tacos when I got home. I took Adam out to dinner to a local steak restaurant. I got the Filet Minion and ate it with a salad. We both got a chocolate torte for dessert. 

•Sunday•

Sunday we had bacon and scrambled omega-3 eggs sprinkled with organic cheese and fresh Green juice. 

For lunch I ate two more small tortilla sized chicken wraps (home made shredded chicken, avocado, greens, cheese on a small tortilla) or soft tacos. I ate one more of my valentines candies in the afternoon. For dinner we had curry chicken (no potatoes, etc) with a salad. 

This morning I did these videos:

I repeated this standing ab workout 3 times, as suggested. I did not feel much of  a burn from it and tried to tighten everything. I did add the weights when suggested. I am curious how it will feel tomorrow. There was a lot of time spent talking instead of working out. I wish it would have done the three reps instead of the one, and then done them faster since the exercises had already been explained once. 

I followed that with this KILLER arm workout. I had to use 8 lb weights instead of 5 lb weights, since I do not have any 5 lb weights. Usually I can switch out 8 for 5 lb weights easily. This one I could barely do with the 8 lb weights. I loved it. By the end I was absolutely sure I'd exhausted my arm muscles. I definitely want to do this one again! 

•Today•  This morning I had 2 1/2 boiled eggs  with green juice. After the workout above I had a snack of an apple and the tiny bit of leftover curry chicken (about 1/3 a breast) we are low on some of the ingredients for our juice, so I will probably not be having any more green juice today. There are plenty of veggies for salads or wraps, so lots of healthy food, just not some crucial juice ingredients. 

Dinner and snack posts, Exercise

My afternoon snack was green juice.

For dinner I had a salad fresh field greens, spicy shredded chicken, salsa, avocado, egg, carrot (no dressing) and one flour tortilla

I went to a speed skating class in the evening.

After the class I drank some juice and rolled up some chicken and lettuce in a tortilla for a post-workout snack.

Lunch and Dinner entries/ecercise

I was going to wait until the morning to put this in, but I was woken up by a headache on my left side accompanied by nausea.

For lunch I had some shredded chicken, and fruit mixed with unsweetened Greek yogurt. I had an apple in the afternoon.

I went to roller derby practice from 6:30-8:30 and I did not have time to eat dinner so took a big container of green juice with protein powder. I ate some cheese when I got home.

What it's All About.

I saw a picture of myself that was taken this weekend, and it made me cry. Things just got REAL.

This is the picture:

I am the one in the dark green with the jeans. I know I am overweight, but I have not seen a picture of myself in a while. I usually feel like I am healthy, so it is easy to forget that I am also about 90 lbs overweight. 

This was me, right before I had kids, when I was in the best shape of my life:

I was hardly slight, at 5'2" and 145-ish pounds and a size 8, but barely recognizable to today's me. 

So, how did I get here? 

I gained all of my extra weight when I had my two children, the youngest is now 2 1/2. I gained 100 lbs with my first Daughter. It was stressful and terrifying. I asked the Gyno about it several times and she just said "You can just lose the extra weight after the baby is born"

After about 2 years of effort with no success, I had an emergency surgery to remove my gall bladder that had crystallized. Within about a month I lost 40 lbs and was finally starting to feel ok again. I decided to have another baby and got pregnant again about 6 months later. I had miscarriage, but in the 6 weeks I was pregnant I gained 60 lbs. Seriously, WTF. 

I told my new gyno, and he suggested going on a low glycemic diet when I got pregnant again a few months later. During that pregnancy I took the drs advice and I gained a normal amount, most of which came off during labor and the few months after, but now I still weigh around 235 lbs from the other pregnancies. 

Since penny was born I have:

•Read countless books on fitness, nutrition, and weight-loss

•Spent over a year working out 3 times a week with a trainer

•completely changed my diet, which now consists primary of lean protein and raw organic produce (including fresh green veggie juice 1-3 times a day) 

•exercised 3-6 days a week including both strength and cardio workouts

•Been tested for lots of things, including but not limited to diabetes and hypoglycemia 

•Started meditations and visualizations

•Lost 20 pounds over a year and a half

• Stopped playing roller derby (but still exercising) and gained 25 over 2 months (no, I am not pregnant) 

When I explain this people seem to imply that I am lying. Sometimes they do not say they think that but I can just tell that they question my efforts by brushing me off and saying "it's hard to lose weight". I lost weight many times before I had kids, and yes, it IS hard, but it has never been this hard. 

I feel like I have been consistent. I feel like I am healthier and happier than I have ever been, except that I am fat... REALLY fat. At this point sometimes I feel like I am fat enough that it is more important to get down to a healthy weight than to do it in a healthy way. After being told enough times that the scale does not lie, I think it is time to document my efforts. It will either ensure I am consistent, or it will (at least sort of) prove I am if I try talking to a doctor or nutritionist about it again. I am hard working, and I take good care of myself. I deserve to be fit and healthy, and I will succeed. 

What I want:

Honestly, at this point I would be satisfied if I got down to a muscular 160-170 lbs and THRILLED to be back to my pre-baby weight of 145. Since I am only 5'2" I really think I can do better than that. I think my ideal weight is 125-130 lbs. and a size 4-6. To get there I need to lose 100+ lbs (weighed in today at 135) and I am wearing a size 18, so I would need to lose 6-8 dress sizes. 

This is another derby skater, and has always been a motivating image and an ideal body: 

That photo is from ESPN and you can read more about the shoot here http://espn.go.com/espnw/body-issue/7053967/suzy-hotrod

At some point I want to be able to do a flag:

(image from recordsetter) 

But I don't even know where to start. 

I want to be able to do pull-ups, and chin ups, and not just one, but sets of them. 

I want to be the best roller derby player I know. 

I am have a degree in fashion design and i hate shopping for clothes. I want to enjoy buying clothes again. 

I want to feel confident in all things, and I want to love myself for the first time. Ever. 

I want to succeed beyond my wildest dreams and do things I have not even thought of yet. 

I want to be able to run for miles, and enjoy it. 

I want to be a positive role model for my children. 

I wan to feel comfortable in a swimsuit. 

I want to be inspirational to others. 

I want to stop hiding from the world. 

I want to be happy and healthy, and live this way for a very long time. 

I want to be the absolute BEST version of 

ME. 

♥ Erica

Exercise and Food Journal

Friday- Climbing 2 hours With Adam
Saturday- none
Sunday- Roller Skating For 2 hours at the rink. Skated as fast as possible and low as possible.

I have decided to also start a food journal.

Sunday
•Breakfast: Green Juice (fresh veggie juice), Scrambled Eggs, 4 slices bacon
•Lunch: Green Juice
•snack: 2 pc organic white bread (boo... white bread) and 2 slices grass fed cheddar
♥ Skated for 2 hours
 •Snack: Green Juice with raw protein powder
 •Dinner: Grassfed 95%  Lean Hamburger on wheat bun with pickles and  Salad (spring mix, shaved rainbow carrots, olive oil and vinegar)

And, I am about to do my workout, So for motivation: