Hello! 

My ketones were back up to 1.0 this morning, which was a nice surprise after they had been so low for a few days. I decided yesterday that I need to improve my stress management, and started yesteday with a guided meditation. I used to meditate daily and I really feel like it is effective in so many ways. I feel calmer, more productive and focused, and much less stressed when I meditate daily. 

I also have not been happy with my skating and feel that I do better when I am visualizing skating well and feeling confident, so I need to write out a new roller derby visualization to practice. I also have been finding myself annoyed with people when they suggest things I can do to improve. I get annoyed with people because I am already really hard on myself, and chances are I have already been beating myself up about whatever it is that I did not do well or need to improve on. That said, I know suggestions are intended to help me and I realize getting annoyed when people try to help me is not acceptable. 

The font that I have been using on this blog is pretty hard to read, so I think I am going to go ahead and use something different. 

Something else that bothers me is that I sometimes act like a know it all. I  have a hard time letting things go when I know someone is wrong. I will start out polite saying something like "I don't think that is how it works" but when they insist that it is I usually have a hard time leaving it at that instead of setting them straight. 

Work is busy right now, and I am getting ready to go play OKVD so I need to actually get pretty far ahead. 

Speaking of work- I had better get at it. 

♥
Erica

Enjoy the guided meditation I did this morning: 

Food Journal
Yesterday
----------------------------------------

breakfast 
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
( I noticed some add supplements. I take Vitamin D, Multivitamin, Potassium, Magnesium and desiccated liver) 

Lunch
not hungry

Snack
2 oz cheese (a variety of what I had small thin slices of: raw cheddar, robusto, dubliner. Yum. ) 

Dinner
5oz chicken tikka masala, less than 1/2 cup sauteed squash, 1 cup salad (mixed greens, dressing, olives, sprinkled with Parmesan) 


Calories:1238 Carbs: 16 Fat: 92 Protein: 73

Water- about 7 large glasses.

Everything is going well, and like most people, I tend to stay more quiet when all is well. I am going to try to write in this every day- not sure that is likely, but I am hoping to spend just a few minutes here every day before I check my email and my orders. Unfortunately, today was supposed to be my first day doing that and I already failed! I have already checked and answered my personal and work email, my etsy shop, my facebook,  and two message boards I look at (a low carb one and the etsy one). So, tomorrow I hope to do a little better.

My weight loss journey is going well, generally. I have lost over 20 lbs in about 6 weeks rather effortlessly. After trying for over 5 years with no improvement I am extremely pleased with that. I still have a long way to go, but I am making great strides towards my goal, and my overall health has improved dramatically. I have energy, my skin has improved, joint pain has gone away, and my teeth feel strong and look healthy and white.... just to name a few ways I feel better.

I love ketosis.

Unfortunately, I learned for the third time yesterday that my body can not tolerate fruit.  After having a PAPER THIN slice of watermelon that was LESS THAN AN INCH, square I noticed keto-flue symptoms, and when I checked my ketones I was barely in ketosis. Yikes. I should add, that was eaten with a meal. I find it really amazing that such a tiny amount of fruit and carbs could have such a huge effect on me. I think it is the fructose, our bodies metabolize fructose differently. I am shaky on the facts, so I will listen to more talks about that today while I work.

Speaking of work, I should get to that...

Take care !

♥ erica

Dinner and snack posts, Exercise

My afternoon snack was green juice.

For dinner I had a salad fresh field greens, spicy shredded chicken, salsa, avocado, egg, carrot (no dressing) and one flour tortilla

I went to a speed skating class in the evening.

After the class I drank some juice and rolled up some chicken and lettuce in a tortilla for a post-workout snack.

What it's All About.

I saw a picture of myself that was taken this weekend, and it made me cry. Things just got REAL.

This is the picture:

I am the one in the dark green with the jeans. I know I am overweight, but I have not seen a picture of myself in a while. I usually feel like I am healthy, so it is easy to forget that I am also about 90 lbs overweight. 

This was me, right before I had kids, when I was in the best shape of my life:

I was hardly slight, at 5'2" and 145-ish pounds and a size 8, but barely recognizable to today's me. 

So, how did I get here? 

I gained all of my extra weight when I had my two children, the youngest is now 2 1/2. I gained 100 lbs with my first Daughter. It was stressful and terrifying. I asked the Gyno about it several times and she just said "You can just lose the extra weight after the baby is born"

After about 2 years of effort with no success, I had an emergency surgery to remove my gall bladder that had crystallized. Within about a month I lost 40 lbs and was finally starting to feel ok again. I decided to have another baby and got pregnant again about 6 months later. I had miscarriage, but in the 6 weeks I was pregnant I gained 60 lbs. Seriously, WTF. 

I told my new gyno, and he suggested going on a low glycemic diet when I got pregnant again a few months later. During that pregnancy I took the drs advice and I gained a normal amount, most of which came off during labor and the few months after, but now I still weigh around 235 lbs from the other pregnancies. 

Since penny was born I have:

•Read countless books on fitness, nutrition, and weight-loss

•Spent over a year working out 3 times a week with a trainer

•completely changed my diet, which now consists primary of lean protein and raw organic produce (including fresh green veggie juice 1-3 times a day) 

•exercised 3-6 days a week including both strength and cardio workouts

•Been tested for lots of things, including but not limited to diabetes and hypoglycemia 

•Started meditations and visualizations

•Lost 20 pounds over a year and a half

• Stopped playing roller derby (but still exercising) and gained 25 over 2 months (no, I am not pregnant) 

When I explain this people seem to imply that I am lying. Sometimes they do not say they think that but I can just tell that they question my efforts by brushing me off and saying "it's hard to lose weight". I lost weight many times before I had kids, and yes, it IS hard, but it has never been this hard. 

I feel like I have been consistent. I feel like I am healthier and happier than I have ever been, except that I am fat... REALLY fat. At this point sometimes I feel like I am fat enough that it is more important to get down to a healthy weight than to do it in a healthy way. After being told enough times that the scale does not lie, I think it is time to document my efforts. It will either ensure I am consistent, or it will (at least sort of) prove I am if I try talking to a doctor or nutritionist about it again. I am hard working, and I take good care of myself. I deserve to be fit and healthy, and I will succeed. 

What I want:

Honestly, at this point I would be satisfied if I got down to a muscular 160-170 lbs and THRILLED to be back to my pre-baby weight of 145. Since I am only 5'2" I really think I can do better than that. I think my ideal weight is 125-130 lbs. and a size 4-6. To get there I need to lose 100+ lbs (weighed in today at 135) and I am wearing a size 18, so I would need to lose 6-8 dress sizes. 

This is another derby skater, and has always been a motivating image and an ideal body: 

That photo is from ESPN and you can read more about the shoot here http://espn.go.com/espnw/body-issue/7053967/suzy-hotrod

At some point I want to be able to do a flag:

(image from recordsetter) 

But I don't even know where to start. 

I want to be able to do pull-ups, and chin ups, and not just one, but sets of them. 

I want to be the best roller derby player I know. 

I am have a degree in fashion design and i hate shopping for clothes. I want to enjoy buying clothes again. 

I want to feel confident in all things, and I want to love myself for the first time. Ever. 

I want to succeed beyond my wildest dreams and do things I have not even thought of yet. 

I want to be able to run for miles, and enjoy it. 

I want to be a positive role model for my children. 

I wan to feel comfortable in a swimsuit. 

I want to be inspirational to others. 

I want to stop hiding from the world. 

I want to be happy and healthy, and live this way for a very long time. 

I want to be the absolute BEST version of 

ME. 

♥ Erica

Today's Workout

Standing Abs: 12.5 min

The production quality on this video was low, but it was an excellent workout! This would be a great one to do every day!

Arm Sculpting: 12.5 min

I liked that this workout worked all muscle groups in my arms. I went with the 3 lb weights she was using, but they were WAY too light for me. My next size up is 8 lbs, and I may try that if I do this one again. I thought the instructor was cute and encouraging, but was hoping for more of a burn. 

Leg and Butt Sculpting: 10 min

For some reason I can not make it show up so I will link to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QECX7YvzF_c

This was a surprisingly killer workout! I will definitely do it again! I also loved the instructor. 

I probably should have followed up with some cardio since I had already burned off all my glycogen stores, but I had to get to work. 

Every day is a new day, and as someone said, the journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. 

Take your first step towards a better you, today.