Hello! 

My ketones were back up to 1.0 this morning, which was a nice surprise after they had been so low for a few days. I decided yesterday that I need to improve my stress management, and started yesteday with a guided meditation. I used to meditate daily and I really feel like it is effective in so many ways. I feel calmer, more productive and focused, and much less stressed when I meditate daily. 

I also have not been happy with my skating and feel that I do better when I am visualizing skating well and feeling confident, so I need to write out a new roller derby visualization to practice. I also have been finding myself annoyed with people when they suggest things I can do to improve. I get annoyed with people because I am already really hard on myself, and chances are I have already been beating myself up about whatever it is that I did not do well or need to improve on. That said, I know suggestions are intended to help me and I realize getting annoyed when people try to help me is not acceptable. 

The font that I have been using on this blog is pretty hard to read, so I think I am going to go ahead and use something different. 

Something else that bothers me is that I sometimes act like a know it all. I  have a hard time letting things go when I know someone is wrong. I will start out polite saying something like "I don't think that is how it works" but when they insist that it is I usually have a hard time leaving it at that instead of setting them straight. 

Work is busy right now, and I am getting ready to go play OKVD so I need to actually get pretty far ahead. 

Speaking of work- I had better get at it. 

♥
Erica

Enjoy the guided meditation I did this morning: 

Food Journal
Yesterday
----------------------------------------

breakfast 
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
( I noticed some add supplements. I take Vitamin D, Multivitamin, Potassium, Magnesium and desiccated liver) 

Lunch
not hungry

Snack
2 oz cheese (a variety of what I had small thin slices of: raw cheddar, robusto, dubliner. Yum. ) 

Dinner
5oz chicken tikka masala, less than 1/2 cup sauteed squash, 1 cup salad (mixed greens, dressing, olives, sprinkled with Parmesan) 


Calories:1238 Carbs: 16 Fat: 92 Protein: 73

Water- about 7 large glasses.

Yikes! I missed my post yesterday!

My kids were out of the house for a few hours and I really wanted to take advantage of the peace and quiet and write then without distraction. Unfortunately the time they were gone flew by, as did the rest of the day. I feel like I have been annoyed lately, and I would really prefer to focus on the things I am happy about rather than the things that annoy me. Lately I find myself in the shower bitching in my head about one thing or another. Yesterday it was calories. I think calories are stupid. I spent a while ranting in my brain about it. I planned to continue the rant here, but did not get around to it.

Today it was last nights roller derby practice.

Suddenly, while scrubbing my knees, I realized that bitching- about anything- is a really shitty way to start the day. When negativity is the first thing that pops into my head, it seems that is likely to continue as the day progresses. I changed my focus to  the many things I am happy about and thankful for in my life (my amazing husband, kids, having an awesome house and everything we need, loving my job, etc.) and I hope to do this more often when I a catch myself falling in to a negative mindset.

So... for today I would really like to... STAY POSITIVE!


Food Journal For Yesterday
----------------------------------

breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.

Lunch
Broccoli cooked in a little grassfed butter
one egg scrambled

Snacked on 4 slices of large pepperoni in the afternoon.

Bone Broth Before Practice

Dinner/late snack after practice... 2 slices raw cheese a little carne asada (bought a total of .3 lbs and used less than 1/3 of container... so whatever that is) and 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.

Good morning!

I did  not manage to write over the weekend. I guess the only person I cheated with that is myself.

I had an awesome weekend.  On Saturday my league had a mash up bout and I won MVP blocker on my team, so that really made my weekend!

I did feel good about that game and how I played, so it felt really good that others recognized that. I did feel a little brutal in a few cases when it came to blocking some skaters, but my blood-thirst and desire to win overpowered any feelings of guilt caused by that. 

My ketones were really low this morning, and I was actually up two pounds this week when I weighed in this morning. I started my period on Sunday, so I am going to blame the small gain on that. I feel pretty good , but my blood pressure was really low ( 84/49). That is unusual because it is usually high. 

In general, I still feel awesome, still have lots of energy, etc. I am a little confused about my ketones being low, I think I need a little more fat in my diet, I cut back a little last week. 

I am feeling like I need to get started on work, so I think I need to bring this to a close for this morning. 

Hasta,

♥Erica

I got in late last night from Tuscon, where I had attended the Dust Devil  roller derby tournament and skated with my team, the Munecas Mueartas. I have mixed feelings about the weekend. I did not get enough sleep, and I am feeling the effects of that. I know that it is super important and am not feeling like I am functioning as well without it. I also did not have the concentration  wanted to have. I also noticed I was not able to hit out some girls when I wanted to. I think I need to practice some jackhammer style hitting and also work on strengthening my core.

On the other hand, my body felt amazing. I felt like I could seriously go forever, even after the third game of the weekend.  I do really love how ketosis feels.

I started making bone broth last week, and I think that really helps me get a nice dose of sodium, potassium and other nutrients much better than the store-bought broth. It is pretty tasty, too. My salt intake seems to have a very direct impact on how well I skate and feel doing exercise.

 I feel like I am starting to find my glow again, so I love that. I have been so unsatisfied with myself and full of disdain that have not really been seeing a positive reflection of myself in my interactions with others. More often I feel like I am giving off the glow of self-love and confidence, and it seems to be engaging people

I lost about three pounds this week, and I weighed a week early, so that is awesome. My ketones read the highest yet, 1.4 mm. So that is awesome, too.

In other news, I have been really enjoying listening to the relentless roger and caveman dr podcasts :)

I am still a bit behind from the crazy derby weekend, so it is time to get back to the grind :)

♥Erica

March 12, 2014

FOODS	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein	Cholest	Sodium	Sugars	Fiber
Breakfast
Drinks - Black Coffee, 1 cup	2	0g	0g	0g	0mg	5mg	0g	0g
Fat - Coconut Oil, 20 g	172	0g	20g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g
Kerry Gold - Grassfed Butter - Salted, 1 TBSP (14g)	100	0g	11g	0g	30mg	100mg	0g	0g
Organic Valley - Organic Heavy Whipping Cream, 3 tbsp	150	0g	18g	0g	60mg	15mg	0g	0g
Fresh - All Green Vegetable Juice, 3 oz	14	0g	0g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g
Whole Foods - Organic Omega 3 Brown Egg, 2 egg	140	0g	9g	12g	430mg	130mg	0g	0g
Lunch
Whole Foods - Black Forest Bacon, 4 slices	160	2g	16g	8g	20mg	540mg	2g	0g
Earthbound Farms - Spring Mix, Organic Salad Greens, 1 cups, 3 oz (85g)	10	2g	0g	1g	0mg	48mg	1g	1g
Annie's Naturals - Organic Goddess Dressing, 2 Tbsp.	120	2g	12g	1g	0mg	320mg	0g	0g
Generic - Vine Ripe Tomato (Correct), 1 oz (91g)	5	1g	0g	0g	0mg	1mg	1g	0g
Oil - Olive, 2 tablespoon	239	0g	27g	0g	0mg	1mg	0g	0g
Snacks
Organic - Avocado, 0.5 avocado	150	2g	4g	1g	0mg	2mg	0g	2g
Generic Coffee - Black Coffee From Usda, 1 Cup	1	0g	0g	0g	0mg	5mg	0g	0g
Kerry Gold - Grassfed Butter - Salted, 1 TBSP (14g)	100	0g	11g	0g	30mg	100mg	0g	0g
Spectrum - Organic Virgin Coconut Oil, 28 g (1 tbsp)	240	0g	28g	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g
Cheese - Cheddar, 2 slice (1 oz)	226	1g	19g	14g	59mg	348mg	0g	0g
TOTAL:	1,829	10g	175g	37g	629mg	1,615mg	4g	3g

EXERCISES	Calories	Minutes	Sets	Reps	Weight
Cardiovascular
Skating, roller (rollerblading, roller blading)	1,486	120
TOTALS:	1,486	120	0	0	0

Weekend Entries, and Today's Workout

I didn't keep this up well over the weekend so lets see what I can remember. 

•Friday• night we went to whole foods to buy our groceries and I ate a salad and some chicken tikka masala from their hot and cold salad bar. It was Valentines day and my sweet husband bought me some candy. I ate three of the sees chocolate he brought me over the span of the day. In the evening Adam and I worked out for about 40 min, doing a variety of things, sit ups, push ups, trying to pull myself up on the pull up bar and throwing the medicine ball around. 

•Saturday• I had green juice for breakfast with 2 1/2 hard boiled omega 3 eggs. I went to roller derby practice for three hours, which is great exercise and left me exhausted. I had another bottle of green juice that I drank during my practice, and had two small tortilla sized chicken wraps/tacos when I got home. I took Adam out to dinner to a local steak restaurant. I got the Filet Minion and ate it with a salad. We both got a chocolate torte for dessert. 

•Sunday•

Sunday we had bacon and scrambled omega-3 eggs sprinkled with organic cheese and fresh Green juice. 

For lunch I ate two more small tortilla sized chicken wraps (home made shredded chicken, avocado, greens, cheese on a small tortilla) or soft tacos. I ate one more of my valentines candies in the afternoon. For dinner we had curry chicken (no potatoes, etc) with a salad. 

This morning I did these videos:

I repeated this standing ab workout 3 times, as suggested. I did not feel much of  a burn from it and tried to tighten everything. I did add the weights when suggested. I am curious how it will feel tomorrow. There was a lot of time spent talking instead of working out. I wish it would have done the three reps instead of the one, and then done them faster since the exercises had already been explained once. 

I followed that with this KILLER arm workout. I had to use 8 lb weights instead of 5 lb weights, since I do not have any 5 lb weights. Usually I can switch out 8 for 5 lb weights easily. This one I could barely do with the 8 lb weights. I loved it. By the end I was absolutely sure I'd exhausted my arm muscles. I definitely want to do this one again! 

•Today•  This morning I had 2 1/2 boiled eggs  with green juice. After the workout above I had a snack of an apple and the tiny bit of leftover curry chicken (about 1/3 a breast) we are low on some of the ingredients for our juice, so I will probably not be having any more green juice today. There are plenty of veggies for salads or wraps, so lots of healthy food, just not some crucial juice ingredients. 

What it's All About.

I saw a picture of myself that was taken this weekend, and it made me cry. Things just got REAL.

This is the picture:

I am the one in the dark green with the jeans. I know I am overweight, but I have not seen a picture of myself in a while. I usually feel like I am healthy, so it is easy to forget that I am also about 90 lbs overweight. 

This was me, right before I had kids, when I was in the best shape of my life:

I was hardly slight, at 5'2" and 145-ish pounds and a size 8, but barely recognizable to today's me. 

So, how did I get here? 

I gained all of my extra weight when I had my two children, the youngest is now 2 1/2. I gained 100 lbs with my first Daughter. It was stressful and terrifying. I asked the Gyno about it several times and she just said "You can just lose the extra weight after the baby is born"

After about 2 years of effort with no success, I had an emergency surgery to remove my gall bladder that had crystallized. Within about a month I lost 40 lbs and was finally starting to feel ok again. I decided to have another baby and got pregnant again about 6 months later. I had miscarriage, but in the 6 weeks I was pregnant I gained 60 lbs. Seriously, WTF. 

I told my new gyno, and he suggested going on a low glycemic diet when I got pregnant again a few months later. During that pregnancy I took the drs advice and I gained a normal amount, most of which came off during labor and the few months after, but now I still weigh around 235 lbs from the other pregnancies. 

Since penny was born I have:

•Read countless books on fitness, nutrition, and weight-loss

•Spent over a year working out 3 times a week with a trainer

•completely changed my diet, which now consists primary of lean protein and raw organic produce (including fresh green veggie juice 1-3 times a day) 

•exercised 3-6 days a week including both strength and cardio workouts

•Been tested for lots of things, including but not limited to diabetes and hypoglycemia 

•Started meditations and visualizations

•Lost 20 pounds over a year and a half

• Stopped playing roller derby (but still exercising) and gained 25 over 2 months (no, I am not pregnant) 

When I explain this people seem to imply that I am lying. Sometimes they do not say they think that but I can just tell that they question my efforts by brushing me off and saying "it's hard to lose weight". I lost weight many times before I had kids, and yes, it IS hard, but it has never been this hard. 

I feel like I have been consistent. I feel like I am healthier and happier than I have ever been, except that I am fat... REALLY fat. At this point sometimes I feel like I am fat enough that it is more important to get down to a healthy weight than to do it in a healthy way. After being told enough times that the scale does not lie, I think it is time to document my efforts. It will either ensure I am consistent, or it will (at least sort of) prove I am if I try talking to a doctor or nutritionist about it again. I am hard working, and I take good care of myself. I deserve to be fit and healthy, and I will succeed. 

What I want:

Honestly, at this point I would be satisfied if I got down to a muscular 160-170 lbs and THRILLED to be back to my pre-baby weight of 145. Since I am only 5'2" I really think I can do better than that. I think my ideal weight is 125-130 lbs. and a size 4-6. To get there I need to lose 100+ lbs (weighed in today at 135) and I am wearing a size 18, so I would need to lose 6-8 dress sizes. 

This is another derby skater, and has always been a motivating image and an ideal body: 

That photo is from ESPN and you can read more about the shoot here http://espn.go.com/espnw/body-issue/7053967/suzy-hotrod

At some point I want to be able to do a flag:

(image from recordsetter) 

But I don't even know where to start. 

I want to be able to do pull-ups, and chin ups, and not just one, but sets of them. 

I want to be the best roller derby player I know. 

I am have a degree in fashion design and i hate shopping for clothes. I want to enjoy buying clothes again. 

I want to feel confident in all things, and I want to love myself for the first time. Ever. 

I want to succeed beyond my wildest dreams and do things I have not even thought of yet. 

I want to be able to run for miles, and enjoy it. 

I want to be a positive role model for my children. 

I wan to feel comfortable in a swimsuit. 

I want to be inspirational to others. 

I want to stop hiding from the world. 

I want to be happy and healthy, and live this way for a very long time. 

I want to be the absolute BEST version of 

ME. 

♥ Erica