Hola!
I am feeling much better today!
I checked my blood ketones yesterday and they were extremely low. Since I do not seem to be eating to many carbs, or too much protein I think I may need to manage stress better. My husband is convinced that we both should probably also be eating a bit more.
It seems like so many people are so obsessed with calories, and I find it frustrating. I feel like it perpetuates this idea that if you eat a starvation diet you will get thin- which is not necessarily the case, and it can be more harmful than beneficial. I try not to get annoyed, but it makes me angry that this calorie theory has really made such a mess of my health, and I am probably not the only person experiencing this.
I spent 10 minutes meditating this morning to attempt to decompress a little and asked online for some advice on how to reduce stress. One person suggested yoga, andI really think I would like to try that. I need to find a studio with childcare, but I am sure that is doable.
Take care for now,
♥Erica
Food Journal
------------------------
Yesterday
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch- 1c broccoli cooked in butter and herbs, one pickle, 1oz robusto cheese
Snack- Keto lemonade (2-4 drops liquid stevia, apple cider vinegar, lemon wedge squeezed in)
Snack- beef bone broth
Snack- 2 more slices of bacon after practice ♥
Calories: 994 Carbs: 16 Fat: 79 Protein: 37
Water- about 10 large glasses.
Under on protein again
Showing posts with label stress relief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress relief. Show all posts
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
Good Morning!
I had a pretty good weekend :) Practice on Saturday was fun, but really hot. I enjoyed my bike ride. I weighed in, but I am confused because I actually gained a lb. It reminds me of the last 5 years. Ok... Not really. I am hoping it can be attributed to muscle gains.
Adam and I slept in really well on Saturday and Sunday, so that was really nice. We get 8 hours of sleep every day, but sometimes it is nice to sleep a little extra :)
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
1/2 avocado (salted) Small Salad (spring mix, dandelion, cilantro, a little cheese, pepper dressing) 3 oz carne asada
Dinner
about 2 oz bison liver, cooked in grassfed butter with onions, Green beans cooked in grass-fed butter and herbs 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Pre- workout I had a cup of bone broth. It was my long day, ended up being about 6 hours including the bike ride to practice.
Lunch
N/a- workout from 10am -4pm but did eat about 1/2cup of sauerkraut when I got home... and a lot of water...
Dinner
Very small pour of dry red wine, 3 oz grassfed tenderloin, green beans cooked in butter and herbs, topped with Parmesan, 1/2 avocado (salted) This dinner was AMAZING.
I also made some whipped cream stuff (heavy whipping cream, cream cheese, vanilla extract and a little stevia) and had a little of that. Maybe 1/4 cup if I am over estimating.
I had a pretty good weekend :) Practice on Saturday was fun, but really hot. I enjoyed my bike ride. I weighed in, but I am confused because I actually gained a lb. It reminds me of the last 5 years. Ok... Not really. I am hoping it can be attributed to muscle gains.
Adam and I slept in really well on Saturday and Sunday, so that was really nice. We get 8 hours of sleep every day, but sometimes it is nice to sleep a little extra :)
Last Week Summary:
Monday
Bf: 2 slice bacon, 2 eggs, sprinkled with a little cheese and green chili,
fatty coffee
L: Sardines (about 1/3 container), small Salad with oil &vinegar and a
little cheese, 1/2 avocado
D: Wild pronghorn Tenderloin Chops... about 3 oz (omg, the pronghorn cut
was amazing, Adam was given these at work) Kale cooked in grassfed butter with
almonds mixed in.
Fatty Chai. Keto Lemonade (water with a good squeeze of lemon, a little
apple cider vinegar and a few drops of liquid stevia)
beef bone broth... not full fat, due to taste
Calories: 1324 Carb: 16 Fat:110 Protein: 52
(carb count is a little funny, the calculator I use has net carbs on some
things and total carbs on others)
Workout: 10 min morning intervals and planks, Speed Skating Class 1.5 hr,
.5hr of that is off skates (Should be over 800 cal burned, if it mattered, and
I don’t think it does)
Tuesday:
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Late Lunch
Small Salad (1cup spring greens, sprinkled with cheese, topped with goddess
dressing)
1/2 avocado
small pieceof salmon broiled in butter. (3oz)
1/4 cup of sauerkraut
No dinner, not hungry, had to go to practice, but I did have some bone
broth.
Calories: 906 Carb: 11 Fat: 71 Protein: 40
(carb count is a little funny, the calculator I use has net carbs on some
things and total carbs on others)
Workout: 10 min morning intervals and planks, Derby Practice 2 hr (Should
be over 1380 cal burned, if it mattered, and I don’t think it does)
Weds:
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
Broccoli cooked in a little grassfed butter
one egg scrambled
Snacked on 4 slices of large pepperoni in the afternoon.
Bone Broth Before Practice
Dinner/late snack after practice... 2 slices raw cheese a little carne asada (bought a total of .3 lbs and used less than 1/3 of container... so whatever that is) and 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
Broccoli cooked in a little grassfed butter
one egg scrambled
Snacked on 4 slices of large pepperoni in the afternoon.
Bone Broth Before Practice
Dinner/late snack after practice... 2 slices raw cheese a little carne asada (bought a total of .3 lbs and used less than 1/3 of container... so whatever that is) and 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.
Calories: 1490 Carb: 16 Fat: 140
Protein: 52
(carb count is a little funny, the calculator I use has net carbs on some
things and total carbs on others)
Workout: 10 min morning intervals and planks, Derby Practice 2 hr (Should
be over 1380 cal burned, if it mattered, and I don’t think it does)
Thurs:
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
1/2 avocado (salted) Small Salad (spring mix, dandelion, cilantro, a little cheese, pepper dressing) 3 oz carne asada
Dinner
about 2 oz bison liver, cooked in grassfed butter with onions, Green beans cooked in grass-fed butter and herbs 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.
Calories: 1345 Carb: 20 Fat: 113
Protein: 42
(carb count is a little funny, the calculator I use has net carbs on some
things and total carbs on others)
Workout: 10 min morning intervals and planks other than that, off
Friday:
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
1/2 avocado (salted) 1/4 cup sauerkraut
Dinner
Small salad with goddess dressing and cheese, Hamburger, no bun, pickles and lettuce and fatty chai.
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
1/2 avocado (salted) 1/4 cup sauerkraut
Dinner
Small salad with goddess dressing and cheese, Hamburger, no bun, pickles and lettuce and fatty chai.
Calories: 1150 Carb: 14 Fat: 96
Protein: 30
(carb count is a little funny, the calculator I use has net carbs on some
things and total carbs on others)
Workout: 10 min morning intervals and planks, stretching via 1 hr light
yoga
Saturday:
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Pre- workout I had a cup of bone broth. It was my long day, ended up being about 6 hours including the bike ride to practice.
Lunch
N/a- workout from 10am -4pm but did eat about 1/2cup of sauerkraut when I got home... and a lot of water...
Dinner
Very small pour of dry red wine, 3 oz grassfed tenderloin, green beans cooked in butter and herbs, topped with Parmesan, 1/2 avocado (salted) This dinner was AMAZING.
I also made some whipped cream stuff (heavy whipping cream, cream cheese, vanilla extract and a little stevia) and had a little of that. Maybe 1/4 cup if I am over estimating.
Calories: 1384 Carb: 26 Fat: 112
Protein: 48
(carb count is a little funny, the calculator I use has net carbs on some
things and total carbs on others)
Workout: 4 hours skating 2 hours
biking to and from practice. (should
burn about 3300 calories)
Sunday:
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
1/2 avocado and about 2-3 oz skin on chicken breast. 2 small slices of
robusto cheese (less than one oz)
Snack- 1 Cup of bubbies pickle juice
Dinner
1 cup sauerkraut and 1/2 an elk brat.
Fatty Chai
Calories: 1304 Carb: 15 Fat: 105
Protein: 57
(carb count is a little funny, the calculator I use has net carbs on some
things and total carbs on others)
Workout: None, but it is an active day, we clean the house, play games with
kids, etc.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Yikes! I missed my post yesterday!
My kids were out of the house for a few hours and I really wanted to take advantage of the peace and quiet and write then without distraction. Unfortunately the time they were gone flew by, as did the rest of the day. I feel like I have been annoyed lately, and I would really prefer to focus on the things I am happy about rather than the things that annoy me. Lately I find myself in the shower bitching in my head about one thing or another. Yesterday it was calories. I think calories are stupid. I spent a while ranting in my brain about it. I planned to continue the rant here, but did not get around to it.
Today it was last nights roller derby practice.
Suddenly, while scrubbing my knees, I realized that bitching- about anything- is a really shitty way to start the day. When negativity is the first thing that pops into my head, it seems that is likely to continue as the day progresses. I changed my focus to the many things I am happy about and thankful for in my life (my amazing husband, kids, having an awesome house and everything we need, loving my job, etc.) and I hope to do this more often when I a catch myself falling in to a negative mindset.
So... for today I would really like to... STAY POSITIVE!
Food Journal For Yesterday
----------------------------------
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
Broccoli cooked in a little grassfed butter
one egg scrambled
Snacked on 4 slices of large pepperoni in the afternoon.
Bone Broth Before Practice
Dinner/late snack after practice... 2 slices raw cheese a little carne asada (bought a total of .3 lbs and used less than 1/3 of container... so whatever that is) and 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.
My kids were out of the house for a few hours and I really wanted to take advantage of the peace and quiet and write then without distraction. Unfortunately the time they were gone flew by, as did the rest of the day. I feel like I have been annoyed lately, and I would really prefer to focus on the things I am happy about rather than the things that annoy me. Lately I find myself in the shower bitching in my head about one thing or another. Yesterday it was calories. I think calories are stupid. I spent a while ranting in my brain about it. I planned to continue the rant here, but did not get around to it.
Today it was last nights roller derby practice.
Suddenly, while scrubbing my knees, I realized that bitching- about anything- is a really shitty way to start the day. When negativity is the first thing that pops into my head, it seems that is likely to continue as the day progresses. I changed my focus to the many things I am happy about and thankful for in my life (my amazing husband, kids, having an awesome house and everything we need, loving my job, etc.) and I hope to do this more often when I a catch myself falling in to a negative mindset.
So... for today I would really like to... STAY POSITIVE!
Food Journal For Yesterday
----------------------------------
breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with green chili and cheese
2 slices bacon
1 cup fatty coffee.
Lunch
Broccoli cooked in a little grassfed butter
one egg scrambled
Snacked on 4 slices of large pepperoni in the afternoon.
Bone Broth Before Practice
Dinner/late snack after practice... 2 slices raw cheese a little carne asada (bought a total of .3 lbs and used less than 1/3 of container... so whatever that is) and 1/2 avocado and fatty chai.
Friday, April 25, 2014
A small rant.
Good Morning!
I found myself ranting in thought while in the shower about a certain youtube-famous vegan fruitatarian and how bad fashion is sometimes.
I listened to a video of a vegan ranting about how she is allowed to be angry at paleo people specifically- but I am sure she really meant all meat eaters- for eating meat and then listed a lot of reasons that made her look like a complete idiot. Probably because she IS a complete idiot. I don't agree with factory farming, but it is incredibly ignorant to think that just because you don't eat meat that nothing died to feed you. Agriculture has practically wiped out entire species of plants and animals AND animal products are required to grow healthy plants. She also feels that she is paying for peoples sickness (from eating meat) but meat, cholesterol, and saturated fat are not responsible for heart disease, or any disease, that was a big lie based on bad science. In fact, fat, protein, and cholesterol are necessary to build healthy cells (yes your body can scrap together a low quality version of these, because otherwise we would DIE...) . In addition not eating any animal products leads to major deficiencies in most people that CAN cause severe health issues. I hesitate to say all will get sick on that diet, because some seem to do well on it, but I really feel that a raw vegan low fat diet will eventually take it's toll on almost everyone. I certainly don't care what they eat (with the exception of the vegans I know personally and care and worry about) but the lies being spread like gospel concern me A good read, with some facts about nutrition (I have seen the linked site accused of "cherry picking" evidence, but in reality that just seems to be an excuse to dismiss the evidence, which is not really hard to find, but very concise on this site.). I could go on... but I don't like being a hater, life is too short for that, and honestly, I don't want to stoop to this person's level. I just really believe that eating responsibly and ethically sourced meat (especially including organ meat, wild salmon, marrow broth, etc) in addition to as many veggies as your body can tolerate (I can't tolerate many, but I love eating them) is better both for health, society, animals, and the environment.
Then there is fashion... I have been looking at Vogue Collections and am very disappointed in the collections I have been seeing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Food Log (decided to get back to that)
yesterday
Bf: 2 slice bacon, 2 eggs, sprinkled with a little cheese and green chili, fatty coffee
L: not really hungry, at 3 applewood uncured pepperoni slices and one small piece of sugar free chocolate.
D: Bison liver cooked with onion and yellow bell pepper, and a salad (spinach, arugula and spring mix) with fancy cracked pepper dressing, fatty Chai
( I do organic, free range, fed natural diet, etc. and as much is locally sourced as possible)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I found myself ranting in thought while in the shower about a certain youtube-famous vegan fruitatarian and how bad fashion is sometimes.
I listened to a video of a vegan ranting about how she is allowed to be angry at paleo people specifically- but I am sure she really meant all meat eaters- for eating meat and then listed a lot of reasons that made her look like a complete idiot. Probably because she IS a complete idiot. I don't agree with factory farming, but it is incredibly ignorant to think that just because you don't eat meat that nothing died to feed you. Agriculture has practically wiped out entire species of plants and animals AND animal products are required to grow healthy plants. She also feels that she is paying for peoples sickness (from eating meat) but meat, cholesterol, and saturated fat are not responsible for heart disease, or any disease, that was a big lie based on bad science. In fact, fat, protein, and cholesterol are necessary to build healthy cells (yes your body can scrap together a low quality version of these, because otherwise we would DIE...) . In addition not eating any animal products leads to major deficiencies in most people that CAN cause severe health issues. I hesitate to say all will get sick on that diet, because some seem to do well on it, but I really feel that a raw vegan low fat diet will eventually take it's toll on almost everyone. I certainly don't care what they eat (with the exception of the vegans I know personally and care and worry about) but the lies being spread like gospel concern me A good read, with some facts about nutrition (I have seen the linked site accused of "cherry picking" evidence, but in reality that just seems to be an excuse to dismiss the evidence, which is not really hard to find, but very concise on this site.). I could go on... but I don't like being a hater, life is too short for that, and honestly, I don't want to stoop to this person's level. I just really believe that eating responsibly and ethically sourced meat (especially including organ meat, wild salmon, marrow broth, etc) in addition to as many veggies as your body can tolerate (I can't tolerate many, but I love eating them) is better both for health, society, animals, and the environment.
Then there is fashion... I have been looking at Vogue Collections and am very disappointed in the collections I have been seeing.
I have a degree in fashion design, and while I have not exactly followed that path, I it is still a passion of mine. At least I think it is... the collections I was looking at last night were pretty disappointing, and it makes me question that passion. Sometimes fashion seems like such a joke. Adam Commented on how unhappy one of the models looked, and my response was "look what she's wearing". There were a few gems, but fewer than I am used to, and honestly I page through slowly to really take things in, so I may see some redeeming collections as I proceed. I found myself feeling bad for the models and hideous, gimmicky, styling the designers put them in. I guess that is part of the job, but it bothers me that designers humiliate models like that.
Okie dokie, I need to get on with things.
Have an awesome day!
♥Erica
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Food Log (decided to get back to that)
yesterday
Bf: 2 slice bacon, 2 eggs, sprinkled with a little cheese and green chili, fatty coffee
L: not really hungry, at 3 applewood uncured pepperoni slices and one small piece of sugar free chocolate.
D: Bison liver cooked with onion and yellow bell pepper, and a salad (spinach, arugula and spring mix) with fancy cracked pepper dressing, fatty Chai
( I do organic, free range, fed natural diet, etc. and as much is locally sourced as possible)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Happy Thursday!
It feels like Friday today! I am ahead on orders- barely- but more than usual. I have my orders for Friday completed and ready to ship today. This is unusual because I always have the most to ship on Fridays so I am often trying to just keep up by working on Friday orders all week. It is not super busy, but it is also not super slow, so I feel like I have accomplished something. :)
I do feel like there are a few things I should be doing to be more productive. I tend to get very distracted looking at forums and checking email. YES, my work email is important, but I could probably be more productive if I just checked it a few times a day. I should also only look at the nutrition and etsy forums briefly during lunch or in the morning before I really wind up for the day.
I have been doing my planks and high intensity intervals in the morning before breakfast, and I am noticing the benifit of that. I am finding that I am faster when I skate and I can get people out when I want to. My legs are still killing me from Monday. Ok... Maybe not KILLING me, like yesterday, but they are sore.
I have been enjoying fatty chai tea in the evenings and my ketones are getting back up to normal. I feel pretty good, but in the afternoons I am still feeling a lull. I am not sure if it is because I should not be drinking coffee, or if it is because I need more salt. When I drink my bone broth in the evening before practice I feel like I am coming back to life, so that would indicate it is a salt/nutrient issue.
I still have not been eating in the evenings, but lately I have been wanting to snack after practice. I am not sure that is a good thing, but I will see what the scale says on Monday.
Okie dokie, Adios for now.
♥Erica
It feels like Friday today! I am ahead on orders- barely- but more than usual. I have my orders for Friday completed and ready to ship today. This is unusual because I always have the most to ship on Fridays so I am often trying to just keep up by working on Friday orders all week. It is not super busy, but it is also not super slow, so I feel like I have accomplished something. :)
I do feel like there are a few things I should be doing to be more productive. I tend to get very distracted looking at forums and checking email. YES, my work email is important, but I could probably be more productive if I just checked it a few times a day. I should also only look at the nutrition and etsy forums briefly during lunch or in the morning before I really wind up for the day.
I have been doing my planks and high intensity intervals in the morning before breakfast, and I am noticing the benifit of that. I am finding that I am faster when I skate and I can get people out when I want to. My legs are still killing me from Monday. Ok... Maybe not KILLING me, like yesterday, but they are sore.
I have been enjoying fatty chai tea in the evenings and my ketones are getting back up to normal. I feel pretty good, but in the afternoons I am still feeling a lull. I am not sure if it is because I should not be drinking coffee, or if it is because I need more salt. When I drink my bone broth in the evening before practice I feel like I am coming back to life, so that would indicate it is a salt/nutrient issue.
I still have not been eating in the evenings, but lately I have been wanting to snack after practice. I am not sure that is a good thing, but I will see what the scale says on Monday.
Okie dokie, Adios for now.
♥Erica
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Everything is going well, and like most people, I tend to stay more quiet when all is well. I am going to try to write in this every day- not sure that is likely, but I am hoping to spend just a few minutes here every day before I check my email and my orders. Unfortunately, today was supposed to be my first day doing that and I already failed! I have already checked and answered my personal and work email, my etsy shop, my facebook, and two message boards I look at (a low carb one and the etsy one). So, tomorrow I hope to do a little better.
My weight loss journey is going well, generally. I have lost over 20 lbs in about 6 weeks rather effortlessly. After trying for over 5 years with no improvement I am extremely pleased with that. I still have a long way to go, but I am making great strides towards my goal, and my overall health has improved dramatically. I have energy, my skin has improved, joint pain has gone away, and my teeth feel strong and look healthy and white.... just to name a few ways I feel better.
I love ketosis.
Unfortunately, I learned for the third time yesterday that my body can not tolerate fruit. After having a PAPER THIN slice of watermelon that was LESS THAN AN INCH, square I noticed keto-flue symptoms, and when I checked my ketones I was barely in ketosis. Yikes. I should add, that was eaten with a meal. I find it really amazing that such a tiny amount of fruit and carbs could have such a huge effect on me. I think it is the fructose, our bodies metabolize fructose differently. I am shaky on the facts, so I will listen to more talks about that today while I work.
Speaking of work, I should get to that...
Take care !
♥ erica
My weight loss journey is going well, generally. I have lost over 20 lbs in about 6 weeks rather effortlessly. After trying for over 5 years with no improvement I am extremely pleased with that. I still have a long way to go, but I am making great strides towards my goal, and my overall health has improved dramatically. I have energy, my skin has improved, joint pain has gone away, and my teeth feel strong and look healthy and white.... just to name a few ways I feel better.
I love ketosis.
Unfortunately, I learned for the third time yesterday that my body can not tolerate fruit. After having a PAPER THIN slice of watermelon that was LESS THAN AN INCH, square I noticed keto-flue symptoms, and when I checked my ketones I was barely in ketosis. Yikes. I should add, that was eaten with a meal. I find it really amazing that such a tiny amount of fruit and carbs could have such a huge effect on me. I think it is the fructose, our bodies metabolize fructose differently. I am shaky on the facts, so I will listen to more talks about that today while I work.
Speaking of work, I should get to that...
Take care !
♥ erica
Friday, April 4, 2014
Good morning.
I am going to use this as more of a daily journal since I am tracking a lot on My Fitness Pal, and this is really supposed to be a blog about self-improvement- on all levels.
I am still enjoying this new ketogenic lifestyle and I am continuing to lose weight, and I think I am also gaining muscle. When you are losing weight on a low calorie diet, you are in a catabolic state, or losing muscle, but in keto, even when you are losing weight you are in an anabolic state.
Keto is not exactly paleo, but in many ways they seem to go together and I have really been enjoying listening to all of the paleo, bodyhacking, and ketogenic podcasts and youtube videos. I made my first batch of bone broth earlier this week, and LOVE it. It cooked so long that there were only about two cups of it, so I made a second batch that will be done soon. I used more water and a bigger pot, so I will end up with a larger quantity.
Lately my older daughter is driving me crazy. I feel bad, because she get's in trouble more than her sister, and I often feel like I love her sister more. Right now I am not really sure what to do with Autumn most of the time. She is only almost 6- I fear for her teenage years.
Today I will be leaving for Tuscon, and I still have a lot of work to complete. I know I will get it done, but I feel a little stressed about it anyway. I am looking forward to playing roller derby, but I am sad to be leaving my family. Some drama surfaced within my team this week and while I am glad it was addressed and worked out it has me turned off a bit to derby again already- and we are only a few games in to the season.
I am listening to Autumn play on her leap pad, and her sister is sitting with her. It is cold. I feel awake and ready to get some work done, but more stressed than I would like to be.
Take Care,
♥Erica
I am going to use this as more of a daily journal since I am tracking a lot on My Fitness Pal, and this is really supposed to be a blog about self-improvement- on all levels.
I am still enjoying this new ketogenic lifestyle and I am continuing to lose weight, and I think I am also gaining muscle. When you are losing weight on a low calorie diet, you are in a catabolic state, or losing muscle, but in keto, even when you are losing weight you are in an anabolic state.
Keto is not exactly paleo, but in many ways they seem to go together and I have really been enjoying listening to all of the paleo, bodyhacking, and ketogenic podcasts and youtube videos. I made my first batch of bone broth earlier this week, and LOVE it. It cooked so long that there were only about two cups of it, so I made a second batch that will be done soon. I used more water and a bigger pot, so I will end up with a larger quantity.
Lately my older daughter is driving me crazy. I feel bad, because she get's in trouble more than her sister, and I often feel like I love her sister more. Right now I am not really sure what to do with Autumn most of the time. She is only almost 6- I fear for her teenage years.
Today I will be leaving for Tuscon, and I still have a lot of work to complete. I know I will get it done, but I feel a little stressed about it anyway. I am looking forward to playing roller derby, but I am sad to be leaving my family. Some drama surfaced within my team this week and while I am glad it was addressed and worked out it has me turned off a bit to derby again already- and we are only a few games in to the season.
I am listening to Autumn play on her leap pad, and her sister is sitting with her. It is cold. I feel awake and ready to get some work done, but more stressed than I would like to be.
Take Care,
♥Erica
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