I managed to spend LESS time looking at my email, etc. this morning, but did not avoid it all together...

Oh well.  I am here... and that is half the battle, or something.

Yesterday, after my fruit debacle ( I had much less than a bite of watermelon and it threw my body into a chaotic disarray) I was feeling pretty crappy, so crappy that I almost skipped roller derby practice, but I am glad I did not, because it made me feel much better.

The intense and constant energy I get in ketosis is really amazing. I feel like I can go forever- and since I am running on my fat stores, I probably CAN go for a pretty damn long time... I often feel like my feet will blister to the point I can not stand before my muscles will give out on me. Before I was in ketosis, I know there was something off because I struggled to find the energy just to keep up with everyone. This made sense during times that I was out of practice, but was really annoying during the times I really put in the effort to improve.

I like finally feeling like I am making progress both in my athletic and weight-loss efforts. The last five-plus years have been an agonizing disappointment as I attempted everything I could to set my body back on track.

I am reading The Vegetarian Myth by  Lierre Kieth

It is well written, and I am enjoying it. As someone who has had Vegan and Vegetarian tenancies, and never felt well eating that way, and someone who is eating a paleo-style diet now, it resonates with me. I am struggling with my opinion of vegan diets. The science is pretty clear that we really do need some animal protein to thrive, but some people seem to do will on vegan diets and that confuses me. Then there are so many long time vegans starting to turn to a paleo style diet...

I feel like everyone should do what keeps them happy and healthy, but I don't really understand how anyone can be happy or healthy when they should be starving on a cellular level. I do think it is a great way to clean out your system, especially if they had been eating a standard American diet, I just suffer to see how it could possibly be sustainable for a healthy life. 

Take care for now, 

♥Erica

Weekend Entries, and Today's Workout

I didn't keep this up well over the weekend so lets see what I can remember. 

•Friday• night we went to whole foods to buy our groceries and I ate a salad and some chicken tikka masala from their hot and cold salad bar. It was Valentines day and my sweet husband bought me some candy. I ate three of the sees chocolate he brought me over the span of the day. In the evening Adam and I worked out for about 40 min, doing a variety of things, sit ups, push ups, trying to pull myself up on the pull up bar and throwing the medicine ball around. 

•Saturday• I had green juice for breakfast with 2 1/2 hard boiled omega 3 eggs. I went to roller derby practice for three hours, which is great exercise and left me exhausted. I had another bottle of green juice that I drank during my practice, and had two small tortilla sized chicken wraps/tacos when I got home. I took Adam out to dinner to a local steak restaurant. I got the Filet Minion and ate it with a salad. We both got a chocolate torte for dessert. 

•Sunday•

Sunday we had bacon and scrambled omega-3 eggs sprinkled with organic cheese and fresh Green juice. 

For lunch I ate two more small tortilla sized chicken wraps (home made shredded chicken, avocado, greens, cheese on a small tortilla) or soft tacos. I ate one more of my valentines candies in the afternoon. For dinner we had curry chicken (no potatoes, etc) with a salad. 

This morning I did these videos:

I repeated this standing ab workout 3 times, as suggested. I did not feel much of  a burn from it and tried to tighten everything. I did add the weights when suggested. I am curious how it will feel tomorrow. There was a lot of time spent talking instead of working out. I wish it would have done the three reps instead of the one, and then done them faster since the exercises had already been explained once. 

I followed that with this KILLER arm workout. I had to use 8 lb weights instead of 5 lb weights, since I do not have any 5 lb weights. Usually I can switch out 8 for 5 lb weights easily. This one I could barely do with the 8 lb weights. I loved it. By the end I was absolutely sure I'd exhausted my arm muscles. I definitely want to do this one again! 

•Today•  This morning I had 2 1/2 boiled eggs  with green juice. After the workout above I had a snack of an apple and the tiny bit of leftover curry chicken (about 1/3 a breast) we are low on some of the ingredients for our juice, so I will probably not be having any more green juice today. There are plenty of veggies for salads or wraps, so lots of healthy food, just not some crucial juice ingredients. 

Dinner and snack posts, Exercise

My afternoon snack was green juice.

For dinner I had a salad fresh field greens, spicy shredded chicken, salsa, avocado, egg, carrot (no dressing) and one flour tortilla

I went to a speed skating class in the evening.

After the class I drank some juice and rolled up some chicken and lettuce in a tortilla for a post-workout snack.

Lunch and Dinner entries/ecercise

I was going to wait until the morning to put this in, but I was woken up by a headache on my left side accompanied by nausea.

For lunch I had some shredded chicken, and fruit mixed with unsweetened Greek yogurt. I had an apple in the afternoon.

I went to roller derby practice from 6:30-8:30 and I did not have time to eat dinner so took a big container of green juice with protein powder. I ate some cheese when I got home.

What it's All About.

I saw a picture of myself that was taken this weekend, and it made me cry. Things just got REAL.

This is the picture:

I am the one in the dark green with the jeans. I know I am overweight, but I have not seen a picture of myself in a while. I usually feel like I am healthy, so it is easy to forget that I am also about 90 lbs overweight. 

This was me, right before I had kids, when I was in the best shape of my life:

I was hardly slight, at 5'2" and 145-ish pounds and a size 8, but barely recognizable to today's me. 

So, how did I get here? 

I gained all of my extra weight when I had my two children, the youngest is now 2 1/2. I gained 100 lbs with my first Daughter. It was stressful and terrifying. I asked the Gyno about it several times and she just said "You can just lose the extra weight after the baby is born"

After about 2 years of effort with no success, I had an emergency surgery to remove my gall bladder that had crystallized. Within about a month I lost 40 lbs and was finally starting to feel ok again. I decided to have another baby and got pregnant again about 6 months later. I had miscarriage, but in the 6 weeks I was pregnant I gained 60 lbs. Seriously, WTF. 

I told my new gyno, and he suggested going on a low glycemic diet when I got pregnant again a few months later. During that pregnancy I took the drs advice and I gained a normal amount, most of which came off during labor and the few months after, but now I still weigh around 235 lbs from the other pregnancies. 

Since penny was born I have:

•Read countless books on fitness, nutrition, and weight-loss

•Spent over a year working out 3 times a week with a trainer

•completely changed my diet, which now consists primary of lean protein and raw organic produce (including fresh green veggie juice 1-3 times a day) 

•exercised 3-6 days a week including both strength and cardio workouts

•Been tested for lots of things, including but not limited to diabetes and hypoglycemia 

•Started meditations and visualizations

•Lost 20 pounds over a year and a half

• Stopped playing roller derby (but still exercising) and gained 25 over 2 months (no, I am not pregnant) 

When I explain this people seem to imply that I am lying. Sometimes they do not say they think that but I can just tell that they question my efforts by brushing me off and saying "it's hard to lose weight". I lost weight many times before I had kids, and yes, it IS hard, but it has never been this hard. 

I feel like I have been consistent. I feel like I am healthier and happier than I have ever been, except that I am fat... REALLY fat. At this point sometimes I feel like I am fat enough that it is more important to get down to a healthy weight than to do it in a healthy way. After being told enough times that the scale does not lie, I think it is time to document my efforts. It will either ensure I am consistent, or it will (at least sort of) prove I am if I try talking to a doctor or nutritionist about it again. I am hard working, and I take good care of myself. I deserve to be fit and healthy, and I will succeed. 

What I want:

Honestly, at this point I would be satisfied if I got down to a muscular 160-170 lbs and THRILLED to be back to my pre-baby weight of 145. Since I am only 5'2" I really think I can do better than that. I think my ideal weight is 125-130 lbs. and a size 4-6. To get there I need to lose 100+ lbs (weighed in today at 135) and I am wearing a size 18, so I would need to lose 6-8 dress sizes. 

This is another derby skater, and has always been a motivating image and an ideal body: 

That photo is from ESPN and you can read more about the shoot here http://espn.go.com/espnw/body-issue/7053967/suzy-hotrod

At some point I want to be able to do a flag:

(image from recordsetter) 

But I don't even know where to start. 

I want to be able to do pull-ups, and chin ups, and not just one, but sets of them. 

I want to be the best roller derby player I know. 

I am have a degree in fashion design and i hate shopping for clothes. I want to enjoy buying clothes again. 

I want to feel confident in all things, and I want to love myself for the first time. Ever. 

I want to succeed beyond my wildest dreams and do things I have not even thought of yet. 

I want to be able to run for miles, and enjoy it. 

I want to be a positive role model for my children. 

I wan to feel comfortable in a swimsuit. 

I want to be inspirational to others. 

I want to stop hiding from the world. 

I want to be happy and healthy, and live this way for a very long time. 

I want to be the absolute BEST version of 

ME. 

♥ Erica

Todays Workout, Breakfast entry

This first video was an arm and core workout. I did it with 15 lb weights and did the hip raises from my feet. This workout did not feel like I was doing much when I did it, but now that I am done I am suprised to feel shakey. I kind of love that, when it comes to workouts. I will probably do this again, but I may need to invest in bigger weights. 15 lbs was good for this time, but when I was working out with a trainer I did many of these exercises in higher reps, with heavier weights. 

Since I had clearly spent all my muscle glycogen with he first video, I decided to follow it up with a cardio routine. I Chose this dance aerobic video. I remember my mom's Denise Austin Videos from when I was younger, so I am not sure if this video is REALLY old, or if she just has aged pretty well. Some of it seems dated, and some seems very current, so it is hard to tell. 

So, I am not sure about this one. I do like Denise Austin, I love her unique voice, and find it very calming and encouraging, but even after doing a workout, this did not seem to be that tiring. Part of that, I have no doubt, is that it was the first time doing it. Unfortunately, I am not a dancer, and feel a bit like an uncoordinated slob when I do workout videos. Sometimes it feels like I spend so much time trying to figure out the moves that the workout is severely compromised. SO, I think it would be a better workout, IF I do it again. At this point, the chances of doing it again are fairly slim. I did not love the music, and the routine was fine, but not fun enough for me to do it again.

Tomorrow I will be doing derby, so I am not sure I will do a video also.


FOR MY FOOD JOURNAL ENTRY:
 •Breakfast (right after workout) :
2 1/2 boiled omega-3 eggs and a glass of fresh squeezed green veggie juice.

•I had one cup of coffee with cream before my workout, and I plan to have another now.

Exercise and Food Journal

Friday- Climbing 2 hours With Adam
Saturday- none
Sunday- Roller Skating For 2 hours at the rink. Skated as fast as possible and low as possible.

I have decided to also start a food journal.

Sunday
•Breakfast: Green Juice (fresh veggie juice), Scrambled Eggs, 4 slices bacon
•Lunch: Green Juice
•snack: 2 pc organic white bread (boo... white bread) and 2 slices grass fed cheddar
♥ Skated for 2 hours
 •Snack: Green Juice with raw protein powder
 •Dinner: Grassfed 95%  Lean Hamburger on wheat bun with pickles and  Salad (spring mix, shaved rainbow carrots, olive oil and vinegar)

And, I am about to do my workout, So for motivation: